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Tug

@ Tugboater203 @lemmy.world

Posts
304
Comments
237
Joined
3 yr. ago

  • Why do German cats live forever?

    Jump

  • It was an expected risk, posting a joke in a language I don't sprechen.

  • What do you call a cow with no legs?

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  • What do you call a dog with no legs?

    Anything you want be he won't come.

  • What do you call a cow with no legs?

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  • What do you call a cow that had an abortion?

    De-calfinated

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    What do you call a paper airplane that doesn't fly?

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    Did you know someone broke in to my house and stole a dozen eggs from me? They also left a pot of boiling water on the stove...

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    I tried to make egg fried rice in a saucepan...

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    Why couldn't the tree get on his computer?

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    You know, my first wife divorced me because she said I wasn't American enough...

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    I went to the ice cream parlor yesterday and they said "We're having a special on sundaes". I said...

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    I know gas and food prices are high, but have you seen the price of chimneys?

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    I was at the doctor's the other day and told the nurse I was bitten by a wolf. She said "Where?"..

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    My wife found a bunch of hidden letters that revealed I was cheating on her....

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    I was reaching for a book on my homemade book case when it fell and hit me...

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    Nurse Joke-What does it mean when a patient is drooling out of both sides of their mouth?

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    A limbo champion walked into a bar....

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippy?

  • I invented a thought controlled air freshener...

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  • At least Lemmy lets you edit that, thanks!

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    I invented a thought controlled air freshener...

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    What part of a flowers bicycle are most likely to fall off?

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    I was having a small procedure the other day and I asked the doctor if I could administer my own anesthesia......

  • I bought a new taser the other day but discovered I was holding it wrong.....

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  • I was too

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    I bought a new taser the other day but discovered I was holding it wrong.....

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    I got a great price on a 3 foot long ruler the other day...

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Tug @lemmy.world

    What award do you get when you win dentist of the year?

  • Remember when using Botox was kind of taboo?

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  • For sure, it makes one stop and think if you're intentionally injection anything with "Toxin" in the name into your face

  • Did you see the movie about rivers and waterfalls?

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  • They want No Scrubs

  • What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

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  • Like you need a excuse

  • I was going to slow cook some alligator yesterday....

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  • I just learned the other day that Albert Einstein was a real person!

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  • This is the level of autism we come to Lemmy for.

  • I have a friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid....

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  • Who? Never heard of them, but whoever I stole the joke from may have

  • Why did the bee need glasses?

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  • Sooo, like eye roll, a light snort out of your nose or a sensible chuckle?

  • Public Image Limited - This Is Not A Love Song (1984)

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  • Nothing makes reach to change what I'm listening to faster than this song.

  • Did I ever tell you all the story about mushroom hunting? It's pretty long but....

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  • I don't disagree, but I knew it would pop up in the comments and wanted to preempt it

  • What is the hardest tea to swallow?

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  • I did not, do you have a link? I'm always looking to score another source

  • Superbowl LX Gamethread

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  • That should put a fork in it

  • Superbowl LX Gamethread

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  • Well, Maye is showing his inability to hold on to the ball yet again

  • Superbowl LX Gamethread

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  • I'm at work so I'm listening to it, it's even worse like that

  • Former Minnesota governor says state should seek to become part of Canada

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  • I do enjoy the idea, but I feel we have to call it out just like we do every time Texas talks about leaving. This issue has been settled (violently).

    If you get a majority of the northern population centers and economies to seceed it would be more feasible, but it would result in an actual shooting civil war. One state (with the exception of California) isn't enough to go it alone.