One of my biggest corporate language irritations is people saying “yourself” instead of “you” and “myself” instead of “me”.

“Can yourself send that to myself?”

No. You are not a Victorian butler announcing the arrival of the Duke of Norfolk. You work in Accounts Receivable, for fuck’s sake.

It is this bizarre belief that adding extra syllables makes someone sound more professional or intelligent, when really it just makes everything sound artificial, evasive, and frankly a bit bullshit.

Corporate environments are full of this kind of linguistic inflation.

Normal human communication gets replaced with this weird padded dialect where nobody speaks plainly anymore, and everyone sounds like they’re terrified of just saying the fucking thing they mean.