its the society that is fucked up. I can very much relate to you. And its extremely shitty that more starved you are, harder it becomes to take care of it since you are supposed to pretend you are not attracted that much. It really eats the mind having to deal with it without having ways to do it. Personally i have had problems about seeing couples, i just become bitter and jealous. It has gotten easier, mostly because i have at least some hope in my life now.
You are not broken, you are just victim of our shitty society.
Well, it was classic era