You say it's not much compared to others, but I think you should be proud. That sounds like a cool job!
I am into Linux and general tech stuff. I was an IT operations generalist, a jack of all trades. I did everything from hardware repair, Windows installation, investigation and quarantine for ISOC, license key management for my area, remote assistance, doing on-site or remote system administration and troubleshooting, etc.. I learned a little bit of everything, but wasn't an expert in any one topic. I'm unemployed right now though. Trying to find another job.
But I think your career so far sounds impressive. Don't let your negative side tell you that you don't belong. Sounds like you're doing just fine. :)
UPDATE: I forgot to answer your questions about jobs. I don't know how hard programming jobs are to find, sorry. Tech jobs in general are difficult to get the past year or two.
Wow, having a constant voice complaining in your head sounds exhausting. I'd end up treating my subconsious like a whiny kid and telling it to shut up all the time if I had that.
What kind of work do you do? It sounds amazing, to be honest.
God, I want a THC vape. Had one once when I lost my job, apartment, roommate, etc, all at the same time.
I couldn't afford my overpriced-yet-shitty $2,000 apartment, plus utilities, by myself on any of the jobs I found. There was nothing to do but wait for a couple of weeks for family to come pick me up, so I said screw it and got a THC vape pen. It was the most relaxing two weeks I've ever had.
The pen had a nice big cartridge of Charlotte's Web. I used it A LOT. Woke up in the middle of the night at one point, still buzzed, and decided I should take a break from THC. I needed to sober up to handle adult crap, so I threw the thing away.
Proud of myself for not letting myself become and addict, even though I was high at the time. But still miss it.
Automated content farms to sell ads. So basically, instead of teams of people in Russian content farms like 5 Minute Crafts siphoning money from Google, the AI does it instead.
Another reason why advertising-based economies are stupid. It's a race to the bottom, and every single content creator has to make their content worse and worse, with more and more ads, just to break even. Fucking podcasts have automatically inserted crap now, just shoved in randomly, based on your IP when you download them.
When I was younger, I'd occasionally have hyper detailed dreams. Even though I think seeing the future is most likely BS, those dreams usually ended up being something that gave me massive deja vu months or years after I had them. Or rather, something would happen and I'd remember the dream, like the dream predicted the event. Wasn't even anything interesting. One was literally just standing in line for lunch, seeing the seasonal decoration that got put up, and thinking that a poster was a different color than it had been in my dream. Can't explain it, and it's probably just my bad memory mixing things up.
The reason I mention it is because I almost never dream. And even when I do, it feels shallow and empty. Like you said, poor senses and low resolution.
But that made the rare and unexpectedly rich movie-like dreams all the more striking when I woke up. Most of the time, I simply go to sleep, then wake up as if no time has passed. Kind of makes me hate sleeping, because I feel like I'm just wasting time.
That said, my sleep schedule is all screwed up to. Always has been. My body never wants to stay awake or stay asleep for the same amount of time. One day, I'll be wired for 20 hours and crash. Other days, I'll sleep for 12 hours, wake up for 8, then need to sleep again.
Sorry if that's a bit unrelated. Your sleep comment just made me think of it.
Oh man, my last job was in IT and I've been trying to get back into it. I can throw together a decent script with some Google-fu, but anything longer than a hundred lines and I start to forget how everything interconnects and what supposed to be doing what. I keep having to relearn things that I haven't used in a couple of weeks. How do you handle the complex nature of the beast? I just worked as a generalist, so luckily I didn't need to do super complex tasks.
Problem is that one day, it will. I'm old enough to be able to see the difference in how much freedom has been lost online.
It's not impossible. North Korea exists. There's nothing stopping the rest of the world from adopting the same authoritarian regulations and technology bans.
That's why people need to be involved in their governments; elections, local regulations, and what have you. It's easy to complain that things aren't perfect, or that you don't like any of the options; but being part of the process, long term, is the only real way to fix that. The more people that give up and say they don't care, the faster corruption infects everything and ruins what good is there. And trying to be clever and say that "one side is just as bad as the other" is not only a selfish lie people tell themselves to feel better about not doing anything, but it actively helps the authoritarians claim power.
The only thing that staves off corruption and authoritarianism is when the people being governed get involved and stay vigilant. Even small things like school board elections matter down the road.
You want to have a free internet? Then vote in school board elections. Seriously.
It already is. For example, it's basically impossible to run your own email server these days, because most big email providers just block residential IPs to reduce spam.
Lots of ISPs block or heavily filter things like torrents.
Your ISP might decide you having a personal server at home is against their terms and force you to make a business account. They don't want people uploading, only downloading.
Some countries are trying to weaken or ban encryption across the board.
And this is only slightly related, but things like websites that let you watch movies or shows are dying. They either all share the same server for video, or they just copy the files from each other. If you find one and watch a video with a little glitch, you're likely to find that same glitch in all the other websites too. Think things like TV logos, audio suddenly changing language for a few seconds, scan lines on old VHS or TV recordings, etc.. There used to be a lot, but now all the small players are being sued or shut down, and only the largest ones are still alive. The noose is tightening.
Nintendo:
"Let's force retro gamers to buy the Switch if they want to play our titles, by pressuring Steam to remove all Nintendo emulators, and by suing Switch emulators into oblivion."
Also Nintendo:
"Why don't retro gamers want to buy our products anymore?"
Technology is so advanced that all basic needs are met with ease, and money no longer matters. Then jobs change from something you do to not die, to something you do because you want to.
If every person over about 16 was guaranteed the option of a bare minimum personal living space, a usable Internet connection, plumbing, clean water, and basic nutrition; then I don't care if there are jobs that pay $3 and hour.
If we eliminate forced homelessness, give victims of abuse a safe escape, allow people with both recognized and unrecognized disabilities a guaranteed foundation to live on, and generally just take care of the people we extract taxes from to fund our society; then a lot of my concerns about labor and wages evaporate.
Of course, what we don't want to to "accidentally" create a de-facto neo-slavery caste who are stuck with the bare minimum and unable to get better work.
Hell, if someone wants to lay around all day and do nothing but watch TV, I'm okay with that.
If they want to spend that free time pursuing education for a better life, that's great too!
I don't care, as long as we can get rid of the shitty system we have now in the US. Too many people fall through the cracks and never make it back.
And I think you hinted at it, but also women in abusive relationships, even if they're too indoctrinated to realize it. Even without physical violence, being expected to be subservient to your spouse is very common abuse in conservative USA.
I had a 38k tech job as a generalist before I got fired and moved in with toxic family to avoid being homeless. I feel some of your pain. Hope things get better for you.
I had a seller on Amazon give my info to another party who then mailed me unrelated erotic marketing materials with my name and info on it, weeks after my order. I told customer support, and they instantly went "we'll handle it, have a nice day" before I could even tell them who the seller was. I knew who the seller was because despite my info being in the digital order form on the website, they somehow managed multiple typos and mistakes, which the unsolicited mail also had.
It's all pre-scripted bullshit to prevent customers from doing anything about legitimate issues.
You say it's not much compared to others, but I think you should be proud. That sounds like a cool job!
I am into Linux and general tech stuff. I was an IT operations generalist, a jack of all trades. I did everything from hardware repair, Windows installation, investigation and quarantine for ISOC, license key management for my area, remote assistance, doing on-site or remote system administration and troubleshooting, etc.. I learned a little bit of everything, but wasn't an expert in any one topic. I'm unemployed right now though. Trying to find another job.
But I think your career so far sounds impressive. Don't let your negative side tell you that you don't belong. Sounds like you're doing just fine. :)
UPDATE: I forgot to answer your questions about jobs. I don't know how hard programming jobs are to find, sorry. Tech jobs in general are difficult to get the past year or two.