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CurseAvoider

@ CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

Posts
38
Comments
49
Joined
1 yr. ago

He him if you're wondering. Anonymous alt account. The name is from a random username generator and I found it funny (ironically) considering the reason I made this account.

  • still love deepseek just as much y'all

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  • thank you comrade, you've always commented under my posts. I'm looking at potential causes again with deepseek, it's really good at following the boundaries of the conversation. Of course I only take it as things to bring to my doctor, but I think I now have to explore migraines more seriously and see a neurologist... due to past medical history as a child and teen that could show a link.

    The funny thing is conversing with AI reminded me of this medical history that I had as a teen, that I had mostly forgotten. It sees links that doctors might miss because they process information differently, and while I'm still nowhere close to an actual final diagnosis (aside from idiopathic symptoms), at least I have some idea of where to look next.

    A gut doctor also told me I had "constant" non-acidic reflux, which was diagnosed so I believe him, and that's what I was exploring at first. I think now we can definitely consider it maybe a secondary condition but not the main driver of my symptoms. It just doesn't fit with my triggers and other changes since the PE. We treated SIBO and some problems that I thought were caused by it are coming back.

    The 1 million context is a godsend. aside from mixing up minor details in my history the first time I told it (like how my family has a history of thrombosis but my older siblings have never presented with it, it said "siblings have had thrombosis but asymptomatic" which is very minor as it got the gist of it but still funny), it can recall literally anything from the huge conversation I've been having with it where I just keep adding new info as I remember it.

  • How to approach second house ownership?

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  • Oh for sure. My parents only retired last year so there's still some time (hopefully lol), but of course it puts the question of how to handle inheritance front and center when it happens. I'll have to talk to them about the house (the one we live in) eventually, see what they plan for it and where the mortgage situation is at.

  • antibiotics better, now im honing in on dysautonomia. anybody else have that?

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  • AI doesn't come with any baggage towards the patient, it just has the symptoms and nothing else to make a call on. maybe that's how diagnosis should be done, in a chat box lol. Doctor doesn't get to see you, they only have a list. There's a lot of judgment going on from the moment the patient walks in. Their age, their physical condition, the gender they present as (or lack thereof), etc. And of course how you talk to them and how they process that information - it's very easy to mishear what someone says and understand something else.

    And because of all the patients they see they start to forget things too. My dr obviously can't remember all the stuff I told her about how my symptoms progressed over the past 2 years - but I do. she has it in a file but doesn't necessarily have time to go through it every time, so sometimes I repeat stuff we've talked about before.

    All I know is deepseek was right about the SIBO even across chats (new contexts) and long discussions lol. It just immediately honed in on it every time.

    I think it really helped that my therapist at the time quickly said my symptoms were too strong to be explained by psychosomatic causes (eg anxiety). Because my doctor, as good as she might be, did ask about stress and anxiety early on. Of course they should ask about it, but sometimes they immediately lock in on it and dismiss you with it - that happened to me when I was 16, and lo and behold when I finally got the meds (simple PPIs it wasn't even anything fancy), I got better.

    Even when I had my PE, they said I was too young to have a PE but they would still test regardless - I'm thankful the doctor in question did that, because others may have just sent me home with antibiotics.

    A doctor walks in all fucking proud “we’ve figured it out it looks like your appendix is inflamed and we need to do surgery.”

    Exactly this. And they don't think we know our own body or how we respond to illness, and in the meantime you've spent hours in pain when if they had just listened to the patient they would have known immediately.

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    antibiotics better, now im honing in on dysautonomia. anybody else have that?

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    antibiotics kicking my ass lol

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    Finally got the confirmation insurance would cover the cost of medication I've been needing for six months lmao

  • did there used to be an anti-psychiatry community on lemmygrad?

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  • My experience has been one psychotherapist (psychology background) and one psychiatrist. I felt much better with the psychologist, but he also had a lot of experience and was nearing the end of his career. But it was really helpful to me.

    I originally went to see the psychiatrist to get a possible ADD/ADHD diagnosed and we took expensive tests and nothing came of it. They were like welp maybe you had adhd as a kid but you're good today! Okay but what do I do now lol, cause I didn't feel like I was okay?

    We mostly did therapy and yeah it was not as good as what a psychologist provides. Psychiatrists have to elect for therapy classes in uni, it's not quite the same. I stopped seeing them when it was getting too expensive and I felt comfortable enough. I went back to them after my PE and disability started cause I was under a lot of stress and I could tell it was entirely out of their comfort zone. She just didn't know how to help me. It wasn't all bad, she told me I could cancel at any time at no charge when she saw just how bad the symptoms were, but everything else was kind of... I felt like I just came over (at great difficulty), complained for a bit, then left not feeling any better.

    You can tell psychiatrists are not as comfortable with therapy and don't conduct it perfectly. At times she said stuff that made me think '??'. Like "so you see there's no need to catastrophize" oh yeah you're right mb I was just under a shitton of stress, went through a PE and then became disabled for some unknown reason, and coming to your appointments makes me puke on the side of the road every time and I'm dry heaving for 15 minutes but yeah sure I'm catastrophizing. She wasn't entirely wrong, in the end the thing I was worrying over went well, but it's just an out of place comment coming from a therapist.

    Eventually I cancelled an appointment cause I was in a really bad spell and never called to reschedule. I've been looking for a psychologist but it's tough when you can't easily go to the appointments. Psychologists learn therapy as part of their classes so they're better at it, though I guess it also depends on your therapist.

    Also I don't believe problems are solely caused by capitalism. It just doesn't make sense. Our body is very much capable of betraying itself, stress being just one example.

  • How to deal with crippling anxiety

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  • I lived with anxiety without ever knowing what it was growing up, and it was after I started going to the gym and lifting weights that it kinda just went away on its own. i know it's the cliche and it sounds like a non-answer, but it really just improved naturally. it was very tough feeling comfortable at the gym in the early days but i quickly became comfortable and it became kind of like a second home for me. I even took a solo trip abroad 2 years in (well, solo for a leg of it lol). A part of it might also have been age and just getting older.

    I know it sucks but you don't have to live like this! There are answers.

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    Disability is basically just your body quitting on you one day at a time

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    Disabled people: how common is it that your symptoms get worse in the winter?

  • for the comrades in the autistic spectrum, how did you find out?

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  • Funny you should ask because I was just talking with my sibling's new partner and she's very aware of disability. We haven't talked a lot yet but pretty much get each other on this bc she's disabled too lol. She asked if I had gotten checked out for autism and I said no, and she said "because with us (she's diagnosed) there's often these comorbidities that we can't explain esp with stomach problems".

    To be clear I've never had a diagnosis but as a teen I've often wondered if I might have been autistic. Even now I sometimes still wonder. At my age though most of the problems I noticed as a teen about my conduct/behavior seem to have gotten much better, especially after I started lifting weights some 4 years ago (and had to stop bc of the disability of course 🥲).

    Like I was anxious a lot, in my own world a lot of the time, not really caring to understand that I lived in the external world - so didn't really care how I looked or dressed. Lots of social etiquette and situations that I simply did not get, but to be fair we moved a lot across the world when I was young so I think some of it can be attributed to never really having a stable environment to learn in. Like the way they do things in one place (e.g. riding the bus or paying at stores) is completely different in another country. It kinda fucks with you and people think you're mentally challenged (sorry if it's not the correct term it's very late here lol) when you don't know this as an adult but what do you want from me, I literally moved here a month ago!

    Even to this day I don't really rely on facial expressions talking to people because I don't really understand them. I still catch myself talking to people while looking elsewhere because I have no idea how to interpret most facial expressions so I rely on their words and tones instead. This part was tested, but idk I don't think they really cared to interpret the results. It's a test where they show you photos taken of people miming emotions on their faces and you have to match the 6 emotions to the pictures. I think I failed miserably lol it took me a good while for each picture and I failed 2 in the end IIRC.

    I used to have a vivid imagination as a kid, I couldn't fall asleep easily at bedtime (which I think was because of DSPS, delayed sleep phase syndrome which is a very unknown syndrome to the point that even experts often don't know about it) so I used to play pretend for hours on end inventing worlds and stories lol.

    I've heard masking comes naturally with age, I'm not sure if it's masking or just the external symptoms softening. I don't have anxiety anymore (I had it all throughout my teens + adult years and never realized what it was until I was in my 20s), and a lot of the time as a teen and young adult people used to think I was being rude in how I said things even when I thought I was talking normally. But I also have a booming voice lol but hey I was born with it can't really do anything about it. I can go on for hours talking about something without even realizing it.

    Anyway I could go on lol. I feel like I could try and get a diagnosis to be sure but I'm also not sure what good it would do. Maybe for my own closure.

  • So... How is everyone's christmas eve going?

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  • Thank you for your kind words 🙌 I'll try to take it easy until then but it's not easy with a family that doesn't really seem to remember that I'm disabled and has never once asked me about what my triggers are or how I manage with them. People incl family just assume what you can and can't do and what you need or don't need for you when they could just ask "Do you know your triggers, and how do you usually deal with them?"

    The day I dread most is the 26th but it's at my grandma's house so I still want to go lol.

  • So... How is everyone's christmas eve going?

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  • Hit by a very debilitating episode since yesterday 😩 I'm not sure if it's because I stopped the tricyclics or my body just decided it wanted to throw a fit but here it is. Got prescribed stronger antiemetics to try but I haven't ordered them yet (insurance bullshit) and I could go get them on the 26 when stores open but they will have to order it so I'll only get it on the 27. I have a family dinner and drive on the 26 lol.

    Aside from that I'm just managing one day at a time I guess.

  • So they might have found out what's wrong with me (time 2)

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  • Wish that for you!! I'm not sure if the tricyclics are doing anything, I do seem to have been doing better yesterday and today but sometimes that happens. I'll wait until I see my dr in 2 weeks and what she thinks.

    All the best to you, hope they'll treat it.

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    So they might have found out what's wrong with me (time 2)

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    Disability talking points convention (encapsulates my feelings)

  • Finally found some exercises I can do at home

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  • reddit is so fucking negative lmao. i posted this to reddit too and it was deleted for "offering medical advice" when all i said was at the end, if you're interested in finding exercises too here's how you can ask AI. it's a story about a positive accomplishment.

    the rest of the subreddit is mostly people ranting about their disabilities which i totally get and it's valid for them to do, it's just that it's not very good for your own mental health to be exposed to post after post that's just ranting about stuff that deep down you know could happen to you too. but then when you post something a bit more positive it gets deleted despite that people upvoted.

    i would have contacted the mods but chances are they'll just say "no u". let them have their shit space lol if they like crawling in it.

    wish there were more people on lemmygrad though we need to grow this place 😭

  • Physical Education @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    Finally found some exercises I can do at home

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    I asked AI how it would use AI to improve the disability claim process

  • Why are some people so vehemently against genAI?

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  • Unemployment claims, immigration, disability pay, hiring are also all made worse by AI.

    eeeeeh disability claim is already a nightmare without AI, they never have enough people for the amount of cases with new ones coming in every day. As someone waiting for my disability claim putting AI in the process can't possibly be worse than what I'm going through already lol. it took them 3 months to send me a first update and it was to ask me some details about my past employment and nothing else. at worst the AI will deny me which a human will also do because they hope you don't appeal, but i assure you i will appeal any denial lol

  • Deleted

    Living next to childish neighbors

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  • Deleted

    Living next to childish neighbors

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  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    As expected the symptoms are back hehe

  • Truth be told I'm terrified of getting better

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  • Oh I absolutely wish that for you!!

  • Truth be told I'm terrified of getting better

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  • That's very interesting, thank you for sharing, I'll have to look into it.

    edit: from my quick googling, a lot of the signs are similar to mine except the part about episodes lasting for a week at most. In my case I'm always in an episode, with varying intensity. The times I'm feeling "mostly okay" are very few and far between and I still usually feel some amount of nausea no matter what.

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    Truth be told I'm terrified of getting better

  • I threw up in the shower

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  • Especially if your shower is in a bathtub, these things are scary. I have to grab onto the shower handle to get out of it when I'm not feeling okay (which is basically every time I get out of the shower)

  • I threw up in the shower

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  • Lol the only good thing out of this is it always comes up empty, even if I just ate. Yet even specialists can offer no explanation why that happens. But at least cleaning up only takes a second.

  • I threw up in the shower

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  • I'm thinking about it too. It can be dangerous also if you get light headed and fall in the shower, especially if you live alone or lock the door. I knew someone who got light headed from the hot water, but you've probably tried all sorts of combinations already. I had to learn to take it slower and get done in 5 minutes, I might also start using a timer so I can get out before my body starts acting up.

  • I threw up in the shower

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  • It was probably no longer than 30 seconds yeah, that's about the normal time for passing out unlike the movies say. Any more than that and you have bigger problems on your hands!

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    I threw up in the shower

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    Dr said "but I mean you're young"

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    Disabled parking is not just to get us closer to our destination

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    Ask me stuff

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    Disability and new technology

  • Comradeship // Freechat @lemmygrad.ml
    CurseAvoider @lemmygrad.ml

    Just found out about Delayed sleep phase disorder... it explains so much.