Reddit Refugee
I hinted in the post I was 17What I achieved doesn't satisfy me (nor my actions), and I want to change that
I'm not history-level obsessed on fame/glory/prestige (yet, lol) but I just want to prove myself or get validation etc. tbhI just don't feel like I'm on the right track for the life I want.
Besides, you don't know how many people out there are looking at you right now and going, "damn, wish I was OP, having the maturity to question their place in the universe at only xx years old!"
And I'm saying the same for 14 year olds 😭 They're so mature and have some understanding of the life lmao, something I definitely didn't have. I was so dumb at the time.
I don't mean "sleeping around" literally, I just didn't know what phrase to use to describe just kind of not doing any out-of-box activity and missing opportunities around you in general.I did this too much it kind of affects some of my personal life negatively atm.Context: I'm hope-to-be international studentI'm whining I have so little time to prepare for college admissions but... I could literally start preparing 2 years ago but I didn't know I could study abroad at the time. Which is, kind of the dumbest assumption I made in my life. Have I never seen a single international student? Why would they not let you enroll? Why I decided I couldn't study abroad for some reason? Why I took the words of the principal or family for a topic like that, they literally can't speak English? Worse, I got really upset for not being able to study abroad for two years bc it was like my dream - this combined with some others factors made a few years of high school a mental hell for meI could attend an international high school that would help with the process but I (literally this time) slept around instead of researching high schools.I didn't learn German even though I set that myself as a goal before, now I can't apply to German universities, which would be free so I wouldn't be stressed for getting scholarships right nowMy examples are academic only but similar stuff exist in my social life as well, or like any other areaAnd time passes so fast I feel the pressure on my shoulders to not sleep around at least because I know I'll regret that later on
money hungry ladder climber
I think this is pretty close to my life outlook right now. I really don't have any dream like that tbh 😭
I'm aware of this effect. And I can say I'm pretty better positioned than many people I know irl. But I can still find people to envy to.I'm also really materialistic in my world view recently. I think I'd want prestige and money and validation over anything else. Not sure how correct this thinking is but I don't think I really have anything else to look up to___
You seem to have figured it out at least. Happy for you!
I think my life goal is getting myself satisfied. Just getting more achievements to boost ego, and feeling pride etc.Idk that's just how life looks like to me. I don't even seem to care about much else
And that entire time I could think about anything but how little I’ve done with my life. How boring I must sound talking to anyone because I have zero experiences. But about 8 years ago, I got diagnosed and medicated.
I'm suffering from a similarly-caused "unexperiencedness" of but thankfully I could get out it before it in just two years - which is really still long enough to make you feel missing out. I have far fewer to tell people about but thankfully I still manage to be somewhat interesting most of the time, especially recently. On unrelated note, tips on how to build experiences and things to talk about post-recovery, or mitigate the effect of effectively doing nothing in the last years?I definitely think of what would happen if I just, you know, didn't get depressed at all and worked on myself.
If I don't compare myself I think I'll miss out from seeing some fundamental perspective. I benefitted so much from comparing myself with people after that unlucky period. But the unhealthy comparisons I made during that period made me go all the way downhill. It probably depends a lot on how you view it.
Yes I have no claim that they're special people. I can see myself being close that or just be that if I actually changed some (I mean, a lot of) stuff in the pastI'm worried because I end up like some of those people. And time is passing really fast. Even years don't feel as long now. I think college will start and end before I realize it
I hope you're right. I don't think I'm doing enough to get into the state where I'm satisfied for the moment.Of course I'm doing a lot in general (and definitely outlast my past by far) but everyone does, especially at my age. It feels more like the rate of growth that is important here.And I want to "undo" mistakes. I want to work harder and do something so I can "catch up", perhaps not even a real person but the person I'd be if I spent my time productively. That's why comparing with myself doesn't feel satisfying
Relatable in everything you mentioned
Like how the fuck do you run a startup? I have a goddamn master’s degree and I can’t figure out how to register a business let alone run one
Yes, I really feel like this is not something that is gained by conventional wisdom. And it's sad because when you ask people to explain, literally "tell me", they give some useless answer all the time
It's not really about being happy or sad. I just want to be like these people. I don't think this by itself would really help with what I'm looking for. I'd rather be unsatisfied instead of being satisfied without growth as well.
Also, I indeed went through some mental shittery in the past. I'm also kind of feeling the title because I was being an absolutely unproductive shit for two years in the prime years of my youth. Like, all that over literally nothing. Nothing that makes the slightest sense.I think I successfully came over it though. Proud for that, but the time wasted won't come back. You'd think I won't let my time wasted like that again
Would you ever have arrived at these conclusions yourself if you had never seen these “successful” people around you?
I wasn't really content with my life in general when I didn't start to hear about the successful people either. I mean, it's pretty rare to see I am content with myself in general. But if I didn't hear about them I'd assume that's just what it is I guess
You’re seeing what is theoretically possible if your life was set up in another way i.e. you were a different person. But you’re not. All these people you’re seeing around you had very specific upbringing, opportunities, genetics etc etc all of which you’re not privy to.
Honestly it was perfectly possible I could go back in time and just not mess up some things and be perfectly close to whatever people I envy on. I could count not-so-hard-to-miss mistakes and it'd take forever to finish. I didn't really miss anything that others had, perhaps some guidance. But I think it is up to me to guide myself. Like, it's not like my parents are supposed to guide me for everything, nor teachers or friends etc. So I consider being unguided as a "me problem" as well
As perspective, 99% of people never do anything like the stuff you mentioned in their life. And many of these people live a very content and happy life. Are 99% of people wasting their life? Only the ones that aren’t content?
I think it's kind of a perspective thing. I just feel like I need these for myself because of personality or traits etc. Others might not.
I just gave a few examples. They're just doing something that is good for them, good for people around you, and definitely fulfilling. Especially contrasting with what I've been doing while these were happening.It's not that I don't want to work. I really do. I actually worked a lot as well but I worked on stuff that doesn't help me. I'm very ambitiousI don't know what to do. But I can kind of point out with my finger towards what I'm looking for
Sorry I don't understand. How does this relate to the post?
My world view might have become too materialistic. But I just want more prestige, satisfaction, validation. More and more of it. Yes I probably won't ever feel "this is enough" because it requires a constant gradient of growth.I'm not sure I even want to be happy. What even is meant by happiness? No, I know what happiness is. It just doesn't feel meaningful anymore, all these emotions. Like, nothing that makes me happy actually matter to me. I never feel happy for doing what I actually need. I don't feel happy while preparing food but I feel happy but only when I sit down and eat the food, even though eating food wasn't the harder part that I must be focused on. Happiness feels like mind's bait that is so addicting everyone is hooked on and want more of it. Some experiences admittedly contribute to me saying this as wellI don't really want to feel anything sad or happy, but focus on work.Also for number 4, I really believe there are some objectively good and objectively bad decisions. I can see so many of the bad decisions I made it's too hard to ignore, and things that have implications to my personal life. When I want to do something, it turns out I'm too late. Or I have to do much more effort others don't have to spend. Or I make an effort on wrong things that have no benefit to me. And I can see what I should've been doing by looking at some people.My reply might be kinda too contrasting to what you're saying but I'd like to hear your thoughts as well.
It's really the reverse. I really only focused on stuff that mattered the least to me while others focused on exactly what I strived for.I was unguided. Or ignorant. I feel like the line between these two are pretty blurry anyway. Perhaps a combination of these.
Now that I’m much older it grieves deeply me all the things I took for granted. All the missed opportunities. All because of some mix of laziness, lack of a long term perspective, lack of focus, lack of self discipline, and cowardice. Looking back, I realize many of my peers were more mature and focused.
I really feel this comment, especially the quote. I made so many mistakes that I regret now. And I'm just 17. I'm not sure how I came to this point. I want to avoid having my future self feeling similar to how I'm feeling.
This is really something I'd like to try myself. You're right that I'm just overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I can do and I don't know where to start. I also need to change some of my habits as well, but maybe I can try to attempt at least, which to me is the hardest part
I wasn't really causing trouble to people around me, but I definitely caused trouble for myself. Either by lack of awareness or by laziness or mental problems. I just didn't do anything for myself. I think I don't miss anything that has happened in the past a lot, I just did regular stuff that was just enough to keep me afloat
No one tells me that. In fact, everyone around me usually tells me "I'm proud of you" "I wish I was you" or stuff like that mostly for some good stuff I did in the last yearI'm just not content with myself. I want more, and seeing people that have more makes me feel bad so I also want that