Since the days of IRC a lot of my dates and relationships either started on or crossed the digital realm. As young men, it was difficult to distinguish between sexual attraction and emotional connection. I ended up in a lot of weird relationships because of sex. I never counted the number of dates I had with someone before progressing things, I don't do that kind of thing The women I was with didn't count either. I guess we just go by what feels right. Maybe it takes a single day, maybe it takes a month. Whatever works.
How long does it take for you to know if you’re attracted to someone (sexually, romantically, emotionally, shared interests, etc)?
Sexually attractive? Less than 5 seconds. Emotionally invested? Impossible to know, it varies tremendously.
What do you like to do when you date and does it change depending on how many dates you’ve been on or how well you know the person?
The first thing to do would be having sex plenty of times. And that's not just me pushing or anything, women love sex too (of course). A lot of times I would like to take things slow in that area, but it is difficult to resist. Other than that, I love cooking for them and watching TV shows. I guess I'm basic.
Once you start dating someone, how long does it take you to understand whether you want to date the person long-term or whether it’s not going to work out?
I never know if and how things will work out... how can anyone know? Sometimes I have emotional reasons to stick around, I'm charmed, infatuated, or in love... but I don't have a crystal ball!
Do you only date people you meet in real life or do you use dating apps? How do you approach going from stranger to dating them?
I have dated people I met on IRC, Tinder, and a whole slew of old-school or defunct platforms. Probably more people from the real world overall, but not by a huge margin.
I'm pretty good at approaching women, but I do it very rarely. Usually when I already know something about the person and know that it will probably pay off. So it is incredibly rare, but, because I am careful and have ways to check beforehand, my success rate is relatively high.
The way I approach this is through "sensible honesty", so women always know my intentions but I don't throw it at them at inappropriate times and circumstances. And I'm not pushy, I'll back away at any sign of resistance or rejection. And I give them lots of chances to reject me. So I'm super obvious and clear, but never forceful or inconvenient.
What’s most important in deciding whether you want to date someone? Do they need to have an interest in activities you enjoy, shared values, emotional intelligence, a certain kind of humor, or something else?
Physical attributes are where it begins, but I must note that what I consider attractive is not necessarily very mainstream. Starting because, since an early age, I appreciate plus-size women very much. Also, cuteness is way more important to me than conventional "hotness" -- because to me being cute is the same as being hot. When we started dating, my partner used to send me a bunch of nude pictures in stereotypical "I'm so hot" poses, a lot of cleavage, etc. That didn't do it for me. The day she sent a picture in a cute pajama... it drove me insane!
Is there something you don’t understand about dating and want to share your frustration?
Not really. Compared to other human activities, dating is fairly simple. There are clear rules and patterns you follow. It's kinda like a script with some improvisation in between. Most of my socialization troubles happen in highly informal, spontaneous, "unscripted" situations. Dating is not like that. It's a narrative -- it can get complicated, but it still has a beginning, a middle, and an end.
Decades ago I couldn't stop thinking about suicide. It was persistent throughout many months. Then my doctor gave me lithium. I took it in the morning. By late afternoon I no longer wanted to die.
It's not perfect. I had many crisis since then. I have a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. Nothing I did or took since then was nearly as efficient as an old cheap medicine called lithium. I still take it everyday.
So I guess my answer is "I don't really deal with those thoughts". I don't engage. I treat them. What's the point of arguing with a disease? If I had cancer, would I get chemo or just think about it very hard?
That is my thought as well. We'll continuously change the definition of intelligence in order to preserve the notion that intelligence is inherently human. Until we can't.
I really enjoy reading dense hard science fiction that I don't fully understand. I'm only really capable of reading when my ADHD med kicks in, so this is kind of an issue since there are many other things that require my medicated attention. But reading sci-fi when my brain is properly tuned is a source of great pleasure to me. A lot of what I read is about characters that are somewhat deranged and post human. I imagine that a lot of people find those characters unsettling, but I feel cozy around them since I'm not conventionally human myself.
I'm talking about authors such as Greg Egan, Greg Bear, Peter Watts, and some things by Robert Heinlein, Asimov, and Philip K. Dick.
In my experience pure reasoning doesn't really work in that situation. People seek conspiracy theories to acquire a sense of order, predictability, and self worth. You're special because you're part of the special group that knows the true shape of the world. Ultimately, they seek love and validation, and the most effective intervention must start simply by providing them with those things they lack.
I followed closely a friend with schizophrenia and that helps me understand certain behaviors. Confronting them directly is usually pointless. I only wanted to be a good friend and show my care and affection for him. I did suggest him ways to improve but I backed away at any sign of resistance. You don't wanna counter him at every step, but only when they show an openness to listen. I mean, if you wanted to tear down a wall, you wouldn't start by hitting where it's stronger, right? You would probably look for the weak spots. If and when your friend let their guard down, then you can gently intervene. Other than that, just show them love, and have the patience to understand that they'll only change in their own time. If ever.
One one hand, sure, this seems like a waste of time. On the other, I did get paid to get a masters in literature. So I don't think I'm in a position to judge :P
It was pretty great to receive dozens of full articles everyday without any bloat or ads. Just text and maybe a few images. I suppose it is possible to subscribe to apps that aggregate several sources in a practical manner, but then you'll be restricted to their selection.
I don't see how RSS could identify, prioritize, and remove duplicates between different sources in the same category. If I understand correctly, those are not really duplicates, but rather different articles on the same subject. Unless you are talking about a more complicated system or manual curation, I don't think that is possible. I don't believe I had much trouble with duplicates within the same feed, maybe I never subscribed to many feeds that do that.
Although I still have Feedly on my phone, and open it occasionally, RSS readers are not as useful as they used to be. That is not due to the way RSS inherently works, but in the past 15 years, websites no longer make their entire articles available on the feed. What you usually get is a small excerpt with a link to the website. They do that because RSS does not allow for the same level of engagement and advertising they would have on their website. As it is, RSS readers are, technically, link aggregators. Which makes them much less convenient.
Since the days of IRC a lot of my dates and relationships either started on or crossed the digital realm. As young men, it was difficult to distinguish between sexual attraction and emotional connection. I ended up in a lot of weird relationships because of sex. I never counted the number of dates I had with someone before progressing things, I don't do that kind of thing The women I was with didn't count either. I guess we just go by what feels right. Maybe it takes a single day, maybe it takes a month. Whatever works.
Sexually attractive? Less than 5 seconds. Emotionally invested? Impossible to know, it varies tremendously.
The first thing to do would be having sex plenty of times. And that's not just me pushing or anything, women love sex too (of course). A lot of times I would like to take things slow in that area, but it is difficult to resist. Other than that, I love cooking for them and watching TV shows. I guess I'm basic.
I never know if and how things will work out... how can anyone know? Sometimes I have emotional reasons to stick around, I'm charmed, infatuated, or in love... but I don't have a crystal ball!
I have dated people I met on IRC, Tinder, and a whole slew of old-school or defunct platforms. Probably more people from the real world overall, but not by a huge margin.
I'm pretty good at approaching women, but I do it very rarely. Usually when I already know something about the person and know that it will probably pay off. So it is incredibly rare, but, because I am careful and have ways to check beforehand, my success rate is relatively high.
The way I approach this is through "sensible honesty", so women always know my intentions but I don't throw it at them at inappropriate times and circumstances. And I'm not pushy, I'll back away at any sign of resistance or rejection. And I give them lots of chances to reject me. So I'm super obvious and clear, but never forceful or inconvenient.
Physical attributes are where it begins, but I must note that what I consider attractive is not necessarily very mainstream. Starting because, since an early age, I appreciate plus-size women very much. Also, cuteness is way more important to me than conventional "hotness" -- because to me being cute is the same as being hot. When we started dating, my partner used to send me a bunch of nude pictures in stereotypical "I'm so hot" poses, a lot of cleavage, etc. That didn't do it for me. The day she sent a picture in a cute pajama... it drove me insane!
Not really. Compared to other human activities, dating is fairly simple. There are clear rules and patterns you follow. It's kinda like a script with some improvisation in between. Most of my socialization troubles happen in highly informal, spontaneous, "unscripted" situations. Dating is not like that. It's a narrative -- it can get complicated, but it still has a beginning, a middle, and an end.