Skip Navigation

InitialsDiceBearhttps://github.com/dicebear/dicebearhttps://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/„Initials” (https://github.com/dicebear/dicebear) by „DiceBear”, licensed under „CC0 1.0” (https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/)T

TouchMacaque

@ MacaqueAndCheese @lemmy.ca

Posts
3
Comments
226
Joined
1 yr. ago

Certified person, 100% someone.

  • The two types of being high

    Jump

  • That cat's going to have to learn to ride a bike while sucking his own dick if he ever wants to join the circus.

  • You're supposed to say thank you

    Jump

  • Yes, no, maybe so around the corner something something... I don't get it

  • No fear!

    Jump

  • My boomer nephew tells me stories of when he was in school in the mid 60s and girls would glue slices of bologna to their knees to use as kneepads, I guess because the bologna was skin colored they were able to hide the fact that they were huge pussies who wear protective gear so their peers wouldn't make fun of them. Goddamn what a fun time the 60s must have been.

  • You're supposed to say thank you

    Jump

  • My dad used to dress up as Piccolo from dbz and beat me in my sleep with his custom made ocarina when I was 22 years old. It always pissed me off because he would call it his piccolo but it wasn't a goddamn flute it was an ocarina. So when he died 4 years ago I dressed up as Piccolo at his funeral and beat his corpse with that same ocarina. Everyone gave me a standing ovation and clapped so hard a few attendees dislocated their wrists, one even degloved their hand. So when the paramedics came I told them my dad died.

  • Deleted

    Permanently Deleted

    Jump

  • I tried slipping into my neighbour's pet turtle's gynecologist's DMs and she gave me the same excuses. I was pretty upset so I covered my hands in corn starch and clapped them on my wiener until I had a good amount of pain. I then cried myself to sleep and woke up the next day to my neighbour's pet turtle knocking on my bedroom window. He wanted to let me know that he was dropping her as his gynecologist because he's not even a female turtle and she's just some weird lady who hangs out at the bus station. So I went down to the bus station and confronted her, we ended up hitting it off and now we've been married for 52 years.

  • Deleted

    Permanently Deleted

    Jump

  • Because he understood that I didn't like it and respected my wishes to not be called that

  • Deleted

    Permanently Deleted

    Jump

  • My great grandpa used to call me chicken cock Santa until I asked him to stop and then he just stopped.

  • Oh boy

    Jump

  • I'm already home, where should I go

  • Oh boy

    Jump

  • After my vasectomy I stopped jacking off to the Teletubbies and started making my own NFTs featuring Mr Burns telling Smithers to suck his dick. Best decision I ever made, can't reproduce and I made a ton of money. It's a shame I didn't get to live to enjoy it all, 3 days ago I died from an overdose in a Walmart fitting room.

  • Stop normalizing the Grind and normalize what ever this is.

    Jump

  • All aboard the

    Umbrella

    Train

    In

    Someone's

    Mind

  • Cats: I Don't Know Nuffin'

    Jump

  • I prefer NI slop bot, this intelligence is all natural my dear gonad monkey.

  • Cats: I Don't Know Nuffin'

    Jump

  • The thing about this meme that's actually completely unrelated is that eating grapes really makes me feel like a raccoon. A raccoon munching is all I can picture when I eat a grape and I close my eyes and crunch it.

  • aaand it's closed again

    Jump

  • The strait of Hormuz is a McDonald's ice cream machine.

  • Deleted

    Permanently Deleted

    Jump

  • If this narcissist really wants to be remembered for all eternity he should hold a press conference where he just stares into the camera and goes "I'm Donald Trump and this is jackass" then he swallows a shotgun.

  • NSFW

    Horses communicate using a variety of vocalizations and noises, most notably neighs (or whinnies), nickers, snorts, and squeals. Other common sounds include blows, groans, sighs, and screams.

    Jump

  • This is kind of like the sound my dearly departed uncle used to make when he would use his all natural boner trampoline while banging the grocery store clerk. He thought it was a better idea than boner pills until he crunched his shlong the first time he used it. Damaged it so bad he needed boner pills just to use his custom fleshlight made of trampoline springs and fabric. Rest in peace uncle giblets, I'll always remember that time we went to the trampoline park and you got arrested.

  • What's the best way to get rid of an old mattress? Wrong answers only. Worst idea I'll actually do.

    Jump

  • Shred it to bits and smoke it through a bong on public transit

  • Flies by, does time

    Jump

  • Man I wish this was me, I'm out here working a job living a decent life.

  • Deleted

    Permanently Deleted

    Jump

  • Wait until you hear the story of the woman with the monsoon poon. She'll chew your knob right off.

  • Crying is a free action

    Jump

  • My dad's grade 4 teacher used to clobber him real good with a Bible whenever he did normal kid stuff, the Bible can definitely make you cry.